What a year!

It's already end of the year... how time flies.

Gosh, many things happened this year, and i must say i've gained much.

Through things such as relationship, friends, family etc...

Felt as though i became more matured in my thinking.

Handling heartache after heartache and disappointment after disappointment.

If i were to watch my life on a big movie screen and i in the audiences seat.

I would truly be amazed...

In times of cowardliness, i would just hurl popcorns at the screen.

In times of success, i would give a standing ovation.

In times of failure, i would sympathize.

In times of sadness, i will just cry along.

So at the end, how would i rate my life movie for 2009?

I'll give it a 4/5 stars rating.

Why?

Basically it has been a fruitful year.

I have stepped out of my comfort zone many times in the pursuit of improving.

I'm much more expressive and open compared to beginning of the year.

Situation changes people, and the outcome is determined by the thinking.

Thus, in whatever situation, my view on it will be positive and not otherwise.

I see the glass as half full and not half empty.

So with these experiences gained i march towards the new year with boldness.

Just like a 'veteran' soldier eager to venture into unknown territory for war.

logic vs emotion

I'm seriously in a match of logic vs emotion right now. Emotions wants to go ahead but logic tells me otherwise. So im trapped in this dilemma and it's killing me. I usually use logic with emotions and not other-way around. my emotions are so strong now that is driving my logical sensory nuts. why oh why must that feeling be rekindled

"Flames to dust

Lovers to friends

Why do all good things come to an end?"

Simple pleasure.

Hello world. As of now the time is 2.30PM on a Tuesday. Let me emphasize 2.30PM and TUESDAY. Where would i be at this time on other weekdays? WORK! WERK! WURK! @ NUS! Slept super late last night, first time in 2 months. Shiok... Only one thing didn't go as plan. My sleep!! Slept at 230am woke up at 7am. Darn the body clock. Couldn't sleep for the next half hour. But oh well other then that it has been a great day so far. Woken up by the chirping of the birds together with a bright sunny morning. Stepped outside for a breather and for some stretching. Ahhh yes the serenity.... Beautiful day indeed.

After that whipped myself up for some good home-cooked lunch. 2 fried eggs, 2 pork bratwurst and fish fillet(sorry no pics). Eating lunch during the day in the comfort of my own home was simply delightful. Long time since that happened and the last time was again 2 months ago.

All in all the only down side to this whole thing is that it cost me 19bucks! Yes, i took a no pay leave and seriously it's worth it. Instead of running around, i'am at home rejuvenating.

Back to work tomorrow, goodbye solitude!

zzz...

i've an unfinished post about my internship... haha. will post in up sometime soon =)

hmmm, been super busy these few weeks... im really stretched and tired. in the process of expanding capacity. Hardly have time for myself... lets see my this week schedule after work...

Mon: Rest day

Tues: Celebrate birthday

Wed: Gym

Thurs: Cgc meeting

Fri: Cg

Sat: Ministry

Sun: Church

- Gosh hectic to the max! Previous and the next week are no better. Spending my time wisely now.

alright let me blog something that is abit annoying and amusing.

Today in the train on my way to work, i was stoning with my mp3. Then at some stop this girl came in and stood right next to me. That's normal and nothing out of the ordinary. But then she looked around and then looked at me. The first time, its alright. However, she did it repetitively! Pretending to look around then suddenly turn and look at me, could see that from the side of my eye. She was only standing less than a feet away on my side. I was thinking to myself, is there something on my face? So i looked at the reflection on the window but nothing. Ok, so feeling abit weird and annoyed. I played along with her. haha. After she looked at me, i would stare back at her. And when she's about to look at me again i look somewhere else.LOL. yea yea. paranoid la. oh wells. she was pretty anyways...XD whatever.

I'm seriously trapped in a dilemma. i really really hate this kind of scenarios. oh man. really didn't expected this to happen...

oh gosh, talking about the unexpected... I'm having this tiny infatuation feeling now which i don't like and don't want =\ sigh.

presenting my new toy!

Tenacity

Tenacity Tenacity Tenacity. Without tenacity, i'm just as good as a loser or a failure. And I've lost a few battles this year because of the lack of it. Right now i'm riding on my tenacity chasing my goals and results can be seen.

Here's a few....

Major Project.

Starting with basically ZERO knowledge and having huge obstacles along the way was seriously demoralizing, along with a group mate whom gave up too easily didn't help either. In the end, what can I do? I could only depend on God and myself only. Not to mention Mr.Google too. ha. Been cracking my brain doing what seemed impossible only to achieve it at the end. It's situations like this that really amazes me; my capabilities and my potential. Sometimes, the problem with me is that I give up after assessing the difficulty of the situation. But whenever i try and take that leap of faith, i find myself never looking back. Tend to focus on the negative rather on the success, how pessimistic of me. However somehow or rather i know i will eventually get to my destination and even if i fall, He will be there to catch me.

Ministry.

Initially this year, i wanted to quit for a fresh change. I felt things were getting no where and i was serving out of obligation. A change of environment was necessary because i've lost the drive. But i thought to myself that i haven't even achieved what i wanted to achieve in ministry and by quitting it shows that i give up too easily. Moreover, when i change ministry and i hit this dry point again; i will simply quit/run away. And by running away, i'm being selfish due to the fact that it affects my team. So i made my choice, i'm gonna renew my mindset and stand my ground. Yea yea, it may be boring and mundane at times but remaining faithful is the key. Sometimes it's through those mundane things that we are tested on.

*Note to self, faithful in the little things and i can be entrusted with much.

thanks to my IC for waking me up.

The result? I'm much more happier serving now. Things dosen't seem to be as dull as before.

quick update, i injured my toe nail and it's all blackish. I hope it does not develop into gangrene!!! ahhhh. must stop being paranoid

Oh yea lastly, i find this album art nice!

friendship...

After all we've been through, it has come to this. I actually thought i was the one that needed to change for the friendship to work. But infact, i've come to realize that the problem lies with you. I've been there for you when you were in trouble, listening to your problems while your close group of friends did'nt care. Heck, i even prayed for you... I wont deny the fact that you also did helped me in times of peril. But the way i see you treat your other friends and me is totally different. You look at them as your brothers and how bout me? very disappointing... the all famous verse... "And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"

Why can't you understand what i did to you was right. Yes, i know you had problems with your work and was desperate for help. But the thing is i helped you too much already, you were starting to depend on me to solve all your problems. So i had to take a step back and let you swim by yourself in order for you to learn. Moreover, you had the audacity to tell me you wanted an A grade for it. Even if you do get an A, would you even feel justified? So because of this our relationship is strained, and i bet i'm wrong in your eyes for not helping you. Seriously, ask the rest of our friends... they 100% agree with me.

You really ought to open up your eyes and see whom your true friends are. Look beyond the words and at the sincerity and the sacrifice they did for you. We do have our flaws, but at the end of the day iron sharpens iron no? And that will make our friendship even stronger because what we say and do have an impact in our life.

Bottom line is that i accept you the way you are, together with all your flaws and all. But what i really hate is your attitude and mindset towards our friendship. That's what i can't accept. If that isn't there, then the friendship is just based on superficial means. This is what i perceive things to be, so if it isn't true... prove me wrong... well if you still want things to work out of course.

*EDIT

I wish you bon voyage. the friendship is seriously tainted. FYI, i don't regret those sacrifices WE did for you. at last we see your true colors and the way u treat our friendship.

Hmmm...

I was reading some of my past months posts... and boy oh boy i was going eek, WHAT?, OMG and crap. Emo to the extreme with the capital E. They are like rated E-21(Emo-21); very explicit emotional contents which are not for the faint hearted.

gosh, i'm totally surprised that i could write those nonsense and post it up for all to see. Thus as of now, all those posts have been removed.

Ok moving along...

Was having a good chat session with my friend last week, he said he wants to be single for as long as possible. He then told me this which i found quite true. It got me thinking and i wanna pen down my thoughts on it.

Supposedly lets say you live up to 80 years old(average). The ideal marriageable age now a days for guys are 27+(generally). Lets do some maths now shall we...

80 - 27 = 53 which means you will be spending this amount of your life with your wife till you die. Ok lets break it up now... 27 years old, 2 years for courtship so left with 25years.

25 - 21(adult age) = 4 years. 4 years of theoretically speaking, single-hood freedom.

What does that freedom means?

Basically, you are already in-charged of your own life and you answer practically to no-one in a relationship context. You can travel the world and do adventurous things without fear. Do all kinds of things that once you're in a relationship, all are withdrawn or restrain due to responsibilities. Because when your already in a relationship, you will have to sacrifice something that you really like to do. There're bound to be atleast something that you need to forsake due to the relationship rule of give and take. Your lifestyle have to change in a way that makes the other party happy and vice versa.

There's absolutely nothing to worry about when being single; no relationship problems and moody times etc. But yea i know, on the other hand it's bad in a way cos there won't be emotional support only he/she can provide in which i find important.

So yea, there's pros and cons as usual.

Well all i can say is to enjoy single-hood while it last?

Sry its abit messy, my thoughts are abit disorganized and also due to time constraint.

Alrighty then, back to report.

The Challenge.

Sometimes I feel my life isn't as challenging anymore.

It's like things are so smooth sailing in a way besides the major project of course.
I feel the more trials and challenges one have in life builds one into a stronger person.
I believe in the greater the trial and heartache equates to bigger destiny.
Look at all those famous people out there...
Eg. Thomas Edison. He had his heart broken after failures and failures on the lightbulb but in the end he succeeded. And the invention changed the world...

I like the saying: let every disappointment be your new appointment.
So literally speaking, if there's no disappointment then there ain't gonna be no new appointment!
Now, i'm paranoid for not going through any new REAL challenges
maybe i do but i just don't realise...hmmm.
In any case, I want to be pushed to my limits; trapped into a corner with no means of escape.
At which would force me to stare adversary in the eyes and conquer it.

I need to go through hardship and be oust from my comfort zone.

Only then, will i be wittier and stronger.

On the other hand, I feel that I have so much untapped potential within me which i aint utilizing.

Note to self* parable of the talents... bury = taken away =\

Ok it's time for me to venture out into new frontiers/wilderness; seeking new challenges

and boldly go where no-man has gone before! or rather myself. haaa

Taken @ Queenstown NZ =)

Was browsing through some of the New Zealand shots i took, and i stumbled upon this particular picture. and some inspirational words struck me...

In every dark cloud in life, there's always a silver lining.

No matter how dark and gloomy it seems; there's always a way out.

So find it.

*Click on the picture to view in all of it's glory.

Picture taken @ Lake Hawea I think. =\

Be-a-u-tiful!

Randomness

great, i officially entered the hellish stage of my poly life. Major Project for 10 weeks, 9am-6pm 5 days a week to be in school. oh gosh. doing some phone programming and implementation. and the worst part is that it's problem based learning!! which means minimal help from lecturers. Argh!

Nevertheless, i'm taking it positively with anticipation of the challenge that awaits me. =)

Anyway, I'm deeply enthralled by this song I discovered on youtube which i stumbled upon while searching for With or Without You covers. It's a Goo Goo Dolls song called 'Without you here' covered by this user called 'boyceavenue'. The lyrics of that song is just awesome lar, and the guy who sang it makes it perfecto! I feel that he brought out the essence of the song even though I've yet to listen to the original...

But I like this particular part of the lyrics:

"My head lies to my heart

And my heart it still believes

It seems the ones who love us are the ones

that we deceive"

Well, I'm just addicted to this cover now... haha

I'll check out more on the band Goo Goo Dolls(weird name) and the cover singer boyceavenue tomorrow or something when I've the time. Darn you major project!!!

Forgotten how to post a youtube vid here, but here's the LINK.

Awesome stuff!

Go listen to it JW!!! Enough with the boy band songs already lar dope! lawl.

With or without you

See the stone set in your eyes

See the torn twist in your side

I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you

My hands are tied

My body bruised, she got me with

Nothing to win and

Nothing left to lose

With or without you

Simply awesome song by U2!

long drives

I find pleasure in late night drives.

No one else except me in the driving seat.

Of course, someone else might be missing ;)

heh

oh well =P

So it's me and my music instead.

Cruising down the highway with my favorite songs playing,

singing loudly along with the lyrics.

And when certain slow songs are played, my mind will go into deep thought.

I dig that!

Oh, and the windows will be winded down,

to allow the cool night breeze to saturate the interior creating a relaxing atmosphere.

wooooooooo....

Absolutely perfecto!

Anyway,

I would feel really really good after that

Great way to loosen and de-stress myself.

So anyone wanna join me on this "adventure" ? haaaa. jokeeee.

Summer Stars

We will shine like stars in the summer night.

We will shine like stars, it will be alright.

One heart, One heart, One heart.

Happiness?

Happiness.

What's the real definition of happiness?

For me at least.

Is it having all the desired material possessions in the world?

Is it drinking all my sorrows away every night in a pub?

Is it womanizing?

Is it clubbing?

No, I don't want any of those "happiness".

So what do I really really really want to experience true happiness?

Simple, live out my God given dream with no distractions!

.

Well, that's my godly want but how about my own personal want?

I think it is to love and to be loved in return.

Isn't that something we all yearn for?

Don't ya all agree?

Not that I'm lacking in love or anything...

But there're different kinds of love in which we all need.

Such as Father's love, family love, friends love and etc etc etc.

And each kind of love can only be filled by a certain group of people or by an individual.

If one particular area of love is not filled, we tend to feel insecure even though the rest are at optimal.

Conclusion...

Happiness = To love and to be loved in return.

Because...

This is for you.

Dear Player,

I don't have any more cards left to play
Show me your hand and call it a day
Because the cards you play makes me daze
So please do as I say
and I will be on my way

- aa.

The road ahead is going to be a long and winding one...

Just another dumb post...

The emotions rages deep within me, destroying my self-constructed world. Is there no end to it ?
I feel helpless in the wake of the destruction it has caused.

Can emotions really be that bad ?

I just wanna detach myself from these emotions once awhile. Detach when it's bad and attach when it's good. That I can only wish. They can either make or destroy a person's life. Now i understand why the Institute Of Mental Health exists. I bet majority of the patients there got their mind screwed up by emotions. Sigh....

What I really want, at least for now is to be comfortably numb; refer to 1st Sept 08 post. I just want to be a mere mortal numb to feelings. I need to feel comfortable when numbness strikes. Because it will be a good thing during times of sadness/depression.....

Emotional suicide anyone ?

randomness

Everything happens for a reason. Bad or good. For better or for worst.

When things don't go our way we blame God. We blame our situation and are so narrow-minded towards it. What to do ? We are created this way. Created to see things in our own perspective.

Well shit happens and we got to live with it. But it's up to us to view it in a positive or cynical manner. I feel at times i'am more towards the latter...

Gosh, hate that feeling.

Sup Sup

Yo guys wassup wassup ? According to my statistic, my visitors average have dropped 17% over the past month ! My blog is also affected by the financial turmoil so please buy more shares from me to increase it . Ok, crapping right now. Surprised i have unique 100 visitors last month till now. I know you guys will be like 100 so little I got atleast 300. Please consider the state of this blog and that figure is already impressive. haha. Sadly all come and go no tagging. Sigh.

I reckon this would be the last time I'am blogging as an youth. As of the time now it is 10.30PM 14th Jan 2009, 1h30min and counting to my adulthood.

Damn !

I dont want to age so fast, i still got so many things yet to experience and do as an youth ! Such as clubbing(yea right) and mastering an instrument(guitar) !!!! Just to name afew...

Oh well, the situation is inevitable.

Transitioning thoughts :

1. Finance
2.Friends
3.Family
4.Commitments
5.Ambitions
6.Marriage ? (What the heck ? Still long way anyway...)
7.Number of kids desired *Just kidding for this one


Urg!!! Well, its normal i guess and it irks me.


Ok enough of all those jazz, anyway just a short highlight about the lastest buzz...

Last sat went for TP Open House to support my two dear friends Glenn & Erika and of course do project at the same time =)

Question what do you get when you put two talented artists together ? You get an audience wanting more ! Lameo . But that's what they gotten !

Glenn the next Josh Farro !

Record companies sign him now !
My scout says he has the potential to be a leading star in the future & regarded as a DEFINITE PURCHASE

Look! He even has the trademark rocker peace sign !
What's Next ?

&


Erika the girl with the uniquely beautiful voice !

OH yea, speaking of that... when she was singing, i saw girls in the audience looking at her with envies in their eyes !

They will be thinking :

"Oh damn ! Why does she have a great voice and I dont ! NOT FAIR ! I don't care I'm going to the docs tomorrow to get it adjusted"

Haha. exaggerating...

Well proud of them ...

Ps: Thanks Glenn for inspiring me to pick up the guitar again man. U know I know is enough . and u better teach me ! LAWL . thanks in advance !

Ok guys, I am done here...


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