I'm seriously trapped in a dilemma. i really really hate this kind of scenarios. oh man. really didn't expected this to happen...

oh gosh, talking about the unexpected... I'm having this tiny infatuation feeling now which i don't like and don't want =\ sigh.

presenting my new toy!

Tenacity

Tenacity Tenacity Tenacity. Without tenacity, i'm just as good as a loser or a failure. And I've lost a few battles this year because of the lack of it. Right now i'm riding on my tenacity chasing my goals and results can be seen.

Here's a few....

Major Project.

Starting with basically ZERO knowledge and having huge obstacles along the way was seriously demoralizing, along with a group mate whom gave up too easily didn't help either. In the end, what can I do? I could only depend on God and myself only. Not to mention Mr.Google too. ha. Been cracking my brain doing what seemed impossible only to achieve it at the end. It's situations like this that really amazes me; my capabilities and my potential. Sometimes, the problem with me is that I give up after assessing the difficulty of the situation. But whenever i try and take that leap of faith, i find myself never looking back. Tend to focus on the negative rather on the success, how pessimistic of me. However somehow or rather i know i will eventually get to my destination and even if i fall, He will be there to catch me.

Ministry.

Initially this year, i wanted to quit for a fresh change. I felt things were getting no where and i was serving out of obligation. A change of environment was necessary because i've lost the drive. But i thought to myself that i haven't even achieved what i wanted to achieve in ministry and by quitting it shows that i give up too easily. Moreover, when i change ministry and i hit this dry point again; i will simply quit/run away. And by running away, i'm being selfish due to the fact that it affects my team. So i made my choice, i'm gonna renew my mindset and stand my ground. Yea yea, it may be boring and mundane at times but remaining faithful is the key. Sometimes it's through those mundane things that we are tested on.

*Note to self, faithful in the little things and i can be entrusted with much.

thanks to my IC for waking me up.

The result? I'm much more happier serving now. Things dosen't seem to be as dull as before.

quick update, i injured my toe nail and it's all blackish. I hope it does not develop into gangrene!!! ahhhh. must stop being paranoid

Oh yea lastly, i find this album art nice!

friendship...

After all we've been through, it has come to this. I actually thought i was the one that needed to change for the friendship to work. But infact, i've come to realize that the problem lies with you. I've been there for you when you were in trouble, listening to your problems while your close group of friends did'nt care. Heck, i even prayed for you... I wont deny the fact that you also did helped me in times of peril. But the way i see you treat your other friends and me is totally different. You look at them as your brothers and how bout me? very disappointing... the all famous verse... "And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"

Why can't you understand what i did to you was right. Yes, i know you had problems with your work and was desperate for help. But the thing is i helped you too much already, you were starting to depend on me to solve all your problems. So i had to take a step back and let you swim by yourself in order for you to learn. Moreover, you had the audacity to tell me you wanted an A grade for it. Even if you do get an A, would you even feel justified? So because of this our relationship is strained, and i bet i'm wrong in your eyes for not helping you. Seriously, ask the rest of our friends... they 100% agree with me.

You really ought to open up your eyes and see whom your true friends are. Look beyond the words and at the sincerity and the sacrifice they did for you. We do have our flaws, but at the end of the day iron sharpens iron no? And that will make our friendship even stronger because what we say and do have an impact in our life.

Bottom line is that i accept you the way you are, together with all your flaws and all. But what i really hate is your attitude and mindset towards our friendship. That's what i can't accept. If that isn't there, then the friendship is just based on superficial means. This is what i perceive things to be, so if it isn't true... prove me wrong... well if you still want things to work out of course.

*EDIT

I wish you bon voyage. the friendship is seriously tainted. FYI, i don't regret those sacrifices WE did for you. at last we see your true colors and the way u treat our friendship.

Hmmm...

I was reading some of my past months posts... and boy oh boy i was going eek, WHAT?, OMG and crap. Emo to the extreme with the capital E. They are like rated E-21(Emo-21); very explicit emotional contents which are not for the faint hearted.

gosh, i'm totally surprised that i could write those nonsense and post it up for all to see. Thus as of now, all those posts have been removed.

Ok moving along...

Was having a good chat session with my friend last week, he said he wants to be single for as long as possible. He then told me this which i found quite true. It got me thinking and i wanna pen down my thoughts on it.

Supposedly lets say you live up to 80 years old(average). The ideal marriageable age now a days for guys are 27+(generally). Lets do some maths now shall we...

80 - 27 = 53 which means you will be spending this amount of your life with your wife till you die. Ok lets break it up now... 27 years old, 2 years for courtship so left with 25years.

25 - 21(adult age) = 4 years. 4 years of theoretically speaking, single-hood freedom.

What does that freedom means?

Basically, you are already in-charged of your own life and you answer practically to no-one in a relationship context. You can travel the world and do adventurous things without fear. Do all kinds of things that once you're in a relationship, all are withdrawn or restrain due to responsibilities. Because when your already in a relationship, you will have to sacrifice something that you really like to do. There're bound to be atleast something that you need to forsake due to the relationship rule of give and take. Your lifestyle have to change in a way that makes the other party happy and vice versa.

There's absolutely nothing to worry about when being single; no relationship problems and moody times etc. But yea i know, on the other hand it's bad in a way cos there won't be emotional support only he/she can provide in which i find important.

So yea, there's pros and cons as usual.

Well all i can say is to enjoy single-hood while it last?

Sry its abit messy, my thoughts are abit disorganized and also due to time constraint.

Alrighty then, back to report.

The Challenge.

Sometimes I feel my life isn't as challenging anymore.

It's like things are so smooth sailing in a way besides the major project of course.
I feel the more trials and challenges one have in life builds one into a stronger person.
I believe in the greater the trial and heartache equates to bigger destiny.
Look at all those famous people out there...
Eg. Thomas Edison. He had his heart broken after failures and failures on the lightbulb but in the end he succeeded. And the invention changed the world...

I like the saying: let every disappointment be your new appointment.
So literally speaking, if there's no disappointment then there ain't gonna be no new appointment!
Now, i'm paranoid for not going through any new REAL challenges
maybe i do but i just don't realise...hmmm.
In any case, I want to be pushed to my limits; trapped into a corner with no means of escape.
At which would force me to stare adversary in the eyes and conquer it.

I need to go through hardship and be oust from my comfort zone.

Only then, will i be wittier and stronger.

On the other hand, I feel that I have so much untapped potential within me which i aint utilizing.

Note to self* parable of the talents... bury = taken away =\

Ok it's time for me to venture out into new frontiers/wilderness; seeking new challenges

and boldly go where no-man has gone before! or rather myself. haaa

Taken @ Queenstown NZ =)